Ambiguity
Kyo/RC (Dir en grey/Reader's Choice)
(R)
--

If we're going to fall apart, then fucking fall apart. Stop hanging on by a threadbare dream. It's not like I can't see it coming anyway. Why pretend?

      Acting like it's not real won't make it any less real. Acting like it won't happen won't stop the inevitable. You plaster the fake smile on your face, but it won't keep the coming darkness at bay. This entire facade will crumble in the end. Why prolong it?

      I'm tired of it. All of it. All the bullshit and the nonsense, the whole fucked up game that we play. And that's all it is, all it’s become. A game. A tournament of wills, a wager to see who'll crack first. Who'll be the first to break, cut, and run. We've been going these circles for years. Isn't it time to quit?

      For myself, I'd rather not see it end like this. But all we manage to do anymore is hurt each other, even if we don't mean it. Once we'd gotten the taste of blood, there was no turning back. Once that first line was crossed, we were hooked.

      I don't love you, I hate you. I don't want you, I loathe you. I don't need you, I despise you. I want to scream at you, to make you go. I want to end this charade now, once and for all. I want to remove the taint of you from my being, to remove every last vestige of your life from mine. I want to separate myself from who you are and who we were. We were good once, damn good. But somewhere along the way, one of us, or maybe both of us, fucked up royally. One of us crossed that line between love and obsession, and the entire thing fell apart.

      We tried, but damn it, I feel too old for this. My mind and body can't take much more. It's not fair to either of us that we carry on, and in the end, more than just you and I will lose.

      It's over. Done. Finished. I'm tired. You win. I'm the first to go, the first to look away. Let me go, let me die in peace. I think you owe me at least that much. I want the last shred of my fucked up life to be mine. Not yours. Is that too fucking much to ask?